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Death

Death jokes

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.

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    • What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?

    1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.

    I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.

    Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."

    Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

    I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

    “Are you still holding the ladder?”

    I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.

    I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

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    • When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"

    When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

    He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”