Death jokes
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
Stephen Hawking died because he was too far away from the Wi-Fi router.
People named Joey are autistic and need to die fatty.
Suicide gives you security for the future.
Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
Why are there no women in the NFL?
Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
How Steven Hawking died: because he moved too much during the day and ran out of juice.
I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.