What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
Death Jokes
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
Why can't a T-Rex clap?
He's dead.
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Where did Lucy go in the bombing... Everywhere.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Somebody threw an EMP at him.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone unplugged the WiFi router.
What did the first skeleton say to the second skeleton?
You know what should give up and stay dead?
Fortnite.
Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
