Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
My dick is red.
Your pussy's pink.
It's really tight
When you're dead.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
"Wheel" all miss him, right?
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
