Death jokes
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He traveled too far from the outlet.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
What's a zig zag and made of wood?
Stephen's coffin.
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Why couldn't the T-rex clap his hands?
Because he's dead.
Stephen Hawking died because he tried downloading a free version of Windows 10.
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.