My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Death Jokes
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To prove he had guts! :)
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
ble get get get gettttt pull the glock pew pew pew pew pew thats the silencer BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
Stephen Hawking died because he was too far away from the Wi-Fi router.
People named Joey are autistic and need to die fatty.
Suicide gives you security for the future.
Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
