Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
Death Jokes
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
What do you call a deaf child?
-Ryan Simmonite-
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
My dog died.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
Where did the mushroom kill himself?
In the mushroom.
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
