Death jokes
I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
Why am I happy? I'm dead.
These jokes make me want to die.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His computer got a virus.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!