Death jokes
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why is the skeleton sad and alone?
Because he is with nobody.
What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.