My dad died lol.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
