When your mum tells you to help your granny.
And you unplug life support!
Death Jokes
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
Where was Stephen Hawking buried?
In a black hole. 😂🤣
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
Steven Hawking lost the Wi-Fi connection on March 14, 2018.
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies? Windows plays the shutdown music.
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
My grandmother said goodnight...
She never said good morning.
