Death jokes
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?
Bullets.
Why is your nan gay? Because she's an orphan.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
Orphan: I want to kill my parents.
Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.
Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"
That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn't make it.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."