Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.
Death Jokes
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
I help suicidal people.
BTW verb not adjective.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
He’s not dead, just his storage unit.
What's black, white, and red all over?
Lossvagus school shooting.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."
Who said that?
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
