Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
