Death jokes
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
Little Johnny died.
What did Superman say to Batman?
Nothing, Bruce is dead.
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.
What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Orphan: I fucked your mom.
Kid: At least mine survived from it.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
Lil’ Johnny be dead, you fools!
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.