Death jokes

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

NWA: Straight Outta Compton.

Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.

A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"

Don't be scared of skeletons.

They don't have the guts for murder.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

What's a suicidal person's favorite game?

Hangman.

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

I ate all of your mommy's orphans.

So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!