Death jokes

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta-way.

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.

Patient: What's the good news?

Doctor: I've got you flowers.

Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?

Doctor: They're for your grave.

Orphan: I fucked your mom.

Kid: At least mine survived from it.

My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.

Lil’ Johnny be dead, you fools!

Why did the orphan commit suicide?

So he could find home.

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.

How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?

Turn on the gas chamber.

A man came up to a girl about to jump off a cliff. The man said, "Why?" She then replies, "There are many monsters in this world, and I am one of them."

I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.

Who were the fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 95 stories in 10 seconds.

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

Desmend: FLY

Draco: FLY

Me: DIE

Doctor: Hands husband his baby.

Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.

Husband: Then give me the one she made.

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.