Death jokes
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.
Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!
Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.
Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?
His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
"Death to the west!"
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents!
A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.
Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!