Day jokes

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?

A lazy bones!

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!

Bruh, who likes Dhar Mann nowadays? That shit is ass AF. And it's just legit shit like only nerds that are fatherless would watch that shit.

Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!

The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.

The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.

🤣🤣🤣

They didn't burn witches back in the day, they burned bitches.

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)

I woke up in my bed today.

I forgot to tell Alicia I saw her mom a couple days ago.

In a porn video!

Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.

Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.

Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.

Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

Orthodox Christians are a little slow; they take 13 days to get the joke. So go easy on them, alright?

America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

Yo mama so fat, she was the lead balloon in the Thanksgiving day parade next to Kermit the Frog.