Day jokes

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?

Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.

America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?

F5

Yo mama so fat, she was the lead balloon in the Thanksgiving day parade next to Kermit the Frog.

I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.

They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."

Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!

Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.

The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.

🤣🤣🤣

Why don’t Mexicans have sex education and driver's education on the same day?

Because the donkey gets tired.

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

Calendars got dates.