Day jokes

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?

What time is it when you get home and you walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school? Oooooo day, a great night for

Hi! I love that you love a good time of my day.

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

Hi, how are you doing today?

There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

You know what should give up and stay dead?

Fortnite.

I tried to eat a clock the other day.

It was very time consuming.

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

What's a rapper's favorite day of the week?

FREESTYLE FRIDAY!

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

I got sad today.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

It's a Italy day outside the fields.

Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?

Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.