Day jokes
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
What month of the year has 28 days?
Answer: All of them.
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
I got to work.
Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.
Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.
Boss: Have a nice day.
Ben: Ok, bye!
Boss:??
Why is the pizza place busy? Because it’s pizza day! 😂
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
This is a bad day for me.
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
I got sad today.
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
It's a Italy day outside the fields.
Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.
They didn't burn witches back in the day, they burned bitches.
Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.
Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.