911, what’s your emergency? I asked, and listening to the quiet sobs of a litte kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me” the girl said and cried making me freeze on the spot as i recognized my daughter’s voice.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV His daughter comes in and says "dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! Its because when you were born a rose peddle fell on your head." "Cool" Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said "dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied,"Oh! its because when you were a baby, a daisy peddle fell on your head." "Awesome" Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her
what is a lion call as a baby cocota
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids
Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered him beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer” DAMN YOU PESSI
My friend's 4 year old daughter made up this joke.
What kind of poo should you put in your hair?
Shampoo.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
my 14 year old daughter went shopping at grocery story - she gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist , - the cashier scanned it and replied with " ma'am this item is worthless "
My Mom said: I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied. Well i said: Have you seen her?
why was kobe a good father?
He took his daughter with him
White 40 year olds love little white kids and so does trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!
Me:Mom can I have some make up. Mom: no. You are beautiful just the way you. Me:So that’s why you were make up.
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something, not sure what she said the girl replies with "ok".
The young teen was gonna head to bed wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight she lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say "Hunny I'm home", she doesn't bother to say ok.
Later when she decides to sleep she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door that she lost her keys. :)
-Dark_Humor
So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.
Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
1st daughter: Dad I;m lesbian! Dad: oh OK! 2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian Dad: WTF does any 1 in this family love d!cks?!? Son: I do...
Have you heard of the new sequel to "the exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son
mommy when will daddy come back? I'm not your mom...
A dad is in a weelchair and his dughter goes dont step on a crack
