Dating jokes

Meeting a girl at the park is good. But parking meat in a girl is better.

Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?

Because he’s a fungi.

Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was fucking one and she kept on saying, "I'm Tu Yung."

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: He wiped his ass.

I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.

I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.

Me: And this is the room I cry in.

Date: You've said that about every room.

Me: Correct!

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.

Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."

1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!

2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.

3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.

4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......

5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.

6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!

7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.

8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS

Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....

What color is Sonic's ball?

Blue because he keeps getting rejected.

I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.

At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.

Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.