Dating jokes

TJ GWEN just shut the hell up.

NOT A DATING WEBSITE

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

I don't want to date an alien.

What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.

She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.

Her pants were on fire.

Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.

My chance of finding love.

Welcome to Blind Date. With me, Stevie Wonder!

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

There is a man and a woman on a date.

The woman asked what kind of things do you love?

The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.

Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."

Imagine the only way you can get laid is if you force it. 😂 Loser!

I will make a funny joke if you let me be your boyfriend. I'm 19 and I am Russian.

I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.

I will give you all the fine chicks you want. Just dial this number: 313-974- tap that ass from Hooters strip club.

What do you call butter without an expiration date?

A miracle butter, because wow!

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.

Why were you born?

Because I asked out your mom on accident.