My friend and I were joking about a wheelchair kid and another kid came up and said to the wheel chair kid you should stand up for your self
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
I wasn't planning on going on a run. but those cops showed up out of nowhere
if you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. but donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. geez!
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said Chinese food, so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said Indian, so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, pompeii 79 A.D
Why do Orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six year old.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words
Are you getting the knife
How to kill a blind person. Give them a gun and tell them its a hairdryer.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer
I went to the principal's office cuz I gave a deff kid ear pod for his birthday
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere 💀
This not even a joke its a serious question.... Is eating ass considered cannabilism?
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
What is an iraqui’s kid favorite game
Minesweeper
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old
The judge asked me "How does 5 to 10 years sound?" I said "Sexy."
DISCLAIMER! MY COUSIN TOLD ME THIS:
"I for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. Its been awhile since we had a presidential assassination."
