Literal Interpretation jokes
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...
You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.
Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”
“Under my bench,” he replies.
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
Bitches be like, "Read the room."
What genre is that in?
I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.”
Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...”
Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”
Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’”
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?