Dark Humor

Why can't Juice Wrld play Black Ops II?

Because he can't handle 6 perks.

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A boner.

A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"

"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You can hang the picture with one nail.

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?

They both went down.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....

What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

One stops sucking when you slap it.

What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?

White vans.

Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?

A: The Blackhole.

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.