Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.
What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?
Suicide squad.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?
They both went down.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
Q: Why can’t orphans be criminals?
A: They are not wanted.
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"
The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"
He said, "No, because you're black."
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
