Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?
Miscarriage.
Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
A. Because he got hit by a truck.
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
I bought a book for my blind friend.
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
