Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
I bought a book for my blind friend.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?
Miscarriage.
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
