My fish can break dance. Only for 20 seconds and only once.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
Family photo.
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he died.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
