Dark Humor
April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.
How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
My fish can break dance. Only for 20 seconds and only once.
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he died.
What is a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.