Dark Humor
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they can't get a green card.
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?"
Patient: "Cancer?"
Doctor: "What a coincidence."
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
NASA just found evidence of water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.
Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.