Dark Humor
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.
Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
A. Because he got hit by a truck.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.