Dark Humor
What is a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
Who is the best at musical chairs?
The kid in the wheelchair.
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
Family photo.
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.