Dark Humor

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?

A KinderGarden.

What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?

There are 20 of them.

My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

A still from Sesame Street shows Ernie and Bert standing next to a snowman. In the bottom of the image, overlaid on a black background, are the words: "You can still hear her heart beat!" Ernie said. It wasn't until spring that the hooker's dead body would show up on the playground.

Dark humor is like life:

Not everyone gets it.

Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?

A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball?

Because they ate the bay.

How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.

What do you call a Chinese baby?

Sum Ting Wong.

This humor is so dark, it's darker than the Black population.

Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

Rules of dark humor.

1. Everything shall be touched.

2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.

Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly!

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?