Dark Humor
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
Why did the cops come over?
Because parents had kids in their basement.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You can hang the picture with one nail.
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
Why did the chicken cross the road? cuz he saw a chic 😉
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Why did the terrorist cross the road?
To get to the airport!