Dark Humor
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.
What did the kid say to the emo?
"Don't leave me hanging!"
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
What do u call a lesbian dinosaur?
I like alottopuss.
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?
A KinderGarden.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.