Dad jokes

"How do celebrities stay cool?"

"They have many fans!"

I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣

Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."

Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."

Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.

My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

4. You just tried number three.

5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

7. You skipped number 5.

8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.

Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...

BA-DUM CHHH!

Remember the name Ben Andrews.

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.

Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.

Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."

I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

Dad: What did you learn in school today?

Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.