Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

My dad coming back.

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said “they’re for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday and 1 for Sunday.” The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said “they’re for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday.” The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said “they’re for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February…”

What’s the difference between my dad and a hooker?

Hookers come back.

Son : "Dad, Are we pyromaniacs ?" Dad : "Yes, we arson

What’s the difference between a snow woman and snow man? Snowballs

I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he’d be fine and it’d only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …

An obese depressed mother is trying to tie a noose but can’t reach it so she calls her son for help a few minutes later son: there mother: where did you learn to tie such a good noose? son: dad showed me before he died mother: DAM HIM TO HE- slips and noose chokes her to death

Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours

A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?“ The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore.”

A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover so one of her friends asks when was the last time you had an orgasm? she replies 3 days ago dad comes bursting in i KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them

Why can’t bugs drive… because they don’t have a LICE-ens… BA-DUM CHHH!

My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don’t take it seriously. Can’t believe that people actually think that was true

I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city

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