Dad jokes
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
How do you make a handkerchief dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.
Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.
Was your dad a pilot? Because I rate you a 9/11.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."