How do cows laugh? Moo-haha
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover so one of her friends asks when was the last time you had an orgasm? she replies 3 days ago dad comes bursting in i KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?“ The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore.”
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
whats the difference between my dad and cancer cancer dosent leave you
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he’d be fine and it’d only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad “what is a bitch and bastard.” dad say “a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail.” then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says “a shit is shaving creme like what i’m putting on my face and ass is a coat why don’t you bug your mom.” so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say fuck so johnny ask his mom what fuck means mom says "fuck means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says “welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass” the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i fucking the turkey.
My dad and cancer go into a fight never saw my dad after that
My dad told me that his dreams were shatterd a few years ago
Then i asked him how many years ago
He replied with ”when were you born?”
In life it’s either Yeet or get beat and I clearly failed yeeting as a child as my dad beat me
What’s the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”
My dad coming back.
My credit card is more declined the the love from my dad
What’s the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex… I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that?
Dad: So you won’t get bored there