Dad jokes

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

What makes a joke a dad joke? I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.

Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.

Son: Okay, I'll do it!

5 hours later...

Son: I'm done!

Dad: I lied.

Son: So did I!

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?

Liam: I like you both.

Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?

Liam: I will go to paris.

Mother: That's means you like dad more.

Liam: No, its because i like paris.

Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?

Liam: I will go to America.

Mother: Why?

Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

Want to hear a dad joke? Look in the mirror. You get the joke.

My dad is nice!

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

I started crying when my dad cut up onions.

Onions was such a good hamster.

Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

A: He only comes once a year.

I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Like if you have a dad.

Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.

The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”

As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.

What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.