So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us…

Girl 1: Dad, why is my name rose? Dad: because a rose landed on your head. Girl 2: Hey dad, why is my name daisy? Dad: because a daisy landed on your head. Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr! Dad: Oh, Hey Brick!

So there I was fucking my sister and she’s shouts “god you fuck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”

Why was Timmy so sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead

Once my dad left to get milk then I realized we own a cow.

Q: why did Sally fall off the building? A: Her dad pushed her

I Love to play catch with my dad! He’s never there to catch the ball though.

when my dad once went to the virgin islands now its just called the islands

Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …

Yesterday I was fucking my sister and she said’ you fuck a lot like dad I said “really mum said that too.”

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death so we smoked his ashes.

Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick

Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said don’t look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said “What’s that?”. Timmy’s dad said “that’s Mr.wiggles”. Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy’s mom said don’t look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said “What’s that?”. Timmy’s mom said “that’s my garden”. Timmy’s mom said don’t look up. Timmy looked up. Timmy said “What are those?”. Timmy’s mom said those are her headlights. Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said don’t look under the covers. Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled “MOMMY, MOMMY, MR.WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!”

What’s the difference between my dad and my step dad? My step dad beat my ass before he left

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where’s my tractor?

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the fathers back. Keeping calm he tells the sons, “well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor.” He chuckled then passed out from pain.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Q:Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

A:He only comes once a year.

Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A:How do you breathe through that little thing?

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