Guys my sisters pregnant!

Im finally a dad!

My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult “I know the whole truth” they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom “I know the whole truth” and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said “I know the whole truth” and his dad gave him 40$ an said don’t tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said “I know the whole truth” then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.

You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a “no”. His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, “Why do you keep asking me to croak?” The granddaughter replies, “Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland.”

Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

I once heard my dad shout I’m going to be like frozen and let it go then I heard a gunshot

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it Leaves and never comes back

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van?

Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well

In life it’s either Yeet or get beat and I clearly failed yeeting as a child as my dad beat me

Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A:How do you breathe through that little thing?

What makes a joke a dad joke?

I don’t know. I don’t even have one as an example.

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