Dad jokes

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

Teacher: What was that?

Alex: Flew the plane.

What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.

A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"

The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."

I told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man: Far From Home.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.

Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."

Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

Dad: "Yes, we arson."

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"

I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.

My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.