Cut jokes

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.

The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.

A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"

"Sure," said the little boy.

The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.

"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!

When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.

What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.

To those who are dead now, was it fun?

She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.

What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

(People will then say "r")

Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.

Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.

Emo girls are bad, but what's worse? Cutting yourself.

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

How to get rich:

Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.

Step 2: Knock out the orphan.

Step 3: Cut open the orphan.

Step 4: Well there [are] organs.

Step 5: Do it again.

And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.

Cut.

Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.

I wish my grass was edgy...

then it would cut itself...

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it!

When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.