Cut jokes

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

Tired of having to cut your grass? Dye it blue, and it will die itself.

How do you make the grass cut itself?

Make it depressed.

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

Emo jokes are not funny, so cut it out.

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?

What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?

Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.

I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.

I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.