Cut jokes
Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,
"Peter, Peter come to me!"
So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.
"Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,
"Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.
"Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"
Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?
He made the cut.
What's the difference between a watermelon and an orphan?
One you cut into 2 with a knife.
And the watermelon you cut into pieces.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a power cut.
Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?
A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.
Guys, I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house.
Why are all the emos banned from Six Flags?
Because they keep cutting in line.
Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.
What do 2 emo kids say to each other?
"I like ya cut, G."
*Slaps wrist*
"Aww, it's a boy, let me cut off the ombelicul cored, sir, that's his penis!"
"It's a girl."
Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?
A: They always seem to cut a little too close.
I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.
I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.
I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
The kid that died is cut in half, and you see the next trap. It looks like a giant pit that you have to jump over, and you clear it, but you feel something on your back, and you realize that there is a spike that comes up when you jump over. You see the other contestant jump over. You try to warn them to not step over because they would get stabbed, but they ignore you and then get hit by the spike. The next obstacle is a wall that slams on a wall. You wait until the wall closes, and you quickly run through. The next person runs through, and they get to live.
Sorry, this is small. This is also a part two.
One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"
The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"
And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"
The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"
Johnny replied with, "OK."
Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
Don’t cut yourself up about it.