Cut jokes

What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.

To those who are dead now, was it fun?

What is 8 divided by 2?

Answer: 3 (you cut 8 in half).

Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.

Me.

You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.

What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.

Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!

Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,

"Peter, Peter come to me!"

So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.

"Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,

"Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.

"Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"

Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?

He made the cut.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He had a power cut.

Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?

A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.

What's the difference between a watermelon and an orphan?

One you cut into 2 with a knife.

And the watermelon you cut into pieces.

Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

Guys, I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house.

I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.

Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?

A: They always seem to cut a little too close.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

What do 2 emo kids say to each other?

"I like ya cut, G."

*Slaps wrist*

"Aww, it's a boy, let me cut off the ombelicul cored, sir, that's his penis!"

"It's a girl."

Why are all the emos banned from Six Flags?

Because they keep cutting in line.

Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.