Cut Jokes

Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He had a power cut.

Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?

A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.

Guys, I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house.

Why are all the emos banned from Six Flags?

Because they keep cutting in line.

Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.

What do 2 emo kids say to each other?

"I like ya cut, G."

*Slaps wrist*

"Aww, it's a boy, let me cut off the ombelicul cored, sir, that's his penis!"

"It's a girl."

Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?

A: They always seem to cut a little too close.

I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.

Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.

The kid that died is cut in half, and you see the next trap. It looks like a giant pit that you have to jump over, and you clear it, but you feel something on your back, and you realize that there is a spike that comes up when you jump over. You see the other contestant jump over. You try to warn them to not step over because they would get stabbed, but they ignore you and then get hit by the spike. The next obstacle is a wall that slams on a wall. You wait until the wall closes, and you quickly run through. The next person runs through, and they get to live.

Sorry, this is small. This is also a part two.

One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"

The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"

And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"

The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"

Johnny replied with, "OK."

Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"

I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.

Don’t cut yourself up about it.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going home and walk home and I got home.

I'm gonna cut my life off.

You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.

Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).