Cut jokes

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

What's the difference between an emo kid and an onion?

You cry when you cut an onion.

I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.

I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!

Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!

I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

I like your cut, G.

*Slaps really hard*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

I wish I had emo nails,

So they could cut themselves.

Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

What do you say to a depressed person?

"I like ya cut, G."

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

Someone cutting the cheese then farted.

Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.