Cut jokes
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.
I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.
Emos,
They're always a cut above the rest.
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
Why did the emo get put at the back of the line? He cut himself.
If you have emo grass and don't pay attention to it, it will cut itself.
I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.
They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
Someone: Stop making jokes about sh!
Me: Oh, sorry man, I'll cut it out, I'll cut it out deep!
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
I cried when my dad cut onions.
Onions was a good dog.
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."
A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!