Cut jokes
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.
I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.