Cut jokes

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.

Why do egos like robbing banks?

They get a cut.

I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?

A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.

I can't believe this!

Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?

They're always cutting.

What do you call a cut cucumber?

A guy with no legs.

what's flat and great for cutting? me.

If emo grass cuts itself for you, then what do transgender picture frames do?

Someone: Stop making jokes about sh!

Me: Oh, sorry man, I'll cut it out, I'll cut it out deep!

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

Your hairline is like Justin Bieber’s buzz cut.

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.