Cut jokes
How do you make the grass cut itself?
Make it depressed.
When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.
I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!