Back
Cut

Cut jokes

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, β€œI will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, β€œGive me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?

A: They always seem to cut a little too close.

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, β€œHello from the other side!”

How do trees access the internet? They log in.

Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.