Cut jokes
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
How do butts start a conversation?
"Let's cut to the chase!"
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To give everyone FRESH CUTS.
I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?
A: They always seem to cut a little too close.
I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.
Emos,
They're always a cut above the rest.
How do you make the grass cut itself?
Make it depressed.
When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.