Cut jokes

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?

A: They always seem to cut a little too close.

I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.

Emos,

They're always a cut above the rest.

How do you make the grass cut itself?

Make it depressed.

When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!

How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

What does my arm have in common with paper?

They both can be cut.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

How do trees access the internet? They log in.

Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.

I like your cut, G.

*Slaps really hard*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.

I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.