Cut jokes

I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

How do butts start a conversation?

"Let's cut to the chase!"

Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?

In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.

Why did the rapper become a barber?

To give everyone FRESH CUTS.

I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.

Why did the rapper become a barber?

Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?

A: They always seem to cut a little too close.

I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.

Emos,

They're always a cut above the rest.

How do you make the grass cut itself?

Make it depressed.

When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!

How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.