who did a barber win a race . he knew a short cut.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
One day a Chief was talking to his son..."Son," the father said, Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that
What's great about an emo pizza? It cuts its self yay
It’s been a terrible day today my ex got hit by a bus and died. Not only this but the council cut my bus drivers permit
Two men were were on a hike through a forest when on of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake the other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened the doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, ''have u got the cure'' hiker number two just said nah mate your dead
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
I wish me dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
Cut
what did the hair dresser say to the power line want a power cut
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
Hi how are you busy doing right I just text me and my dad was going home and walk home and I got home
a girl and her brother are walking in their garden POV:Brother. Sister:Why are you cutting those flowers?
Brother; because their beautiful!
Sister:I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't.
Brother:......
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda look like me.
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teens wrist have in common They both have cutting marks
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves
