What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves
I wish my grass was edgy... then it would cut itself...
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.
Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.
Only if onions were emo, they'd cut themselves.
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
Do you know why I wish grass was emo? So it can cut itself.
What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
why did Stephen hawking die? Because there was a power cut
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
Wanna hear somethin' ironic?
When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
I’m doin' your mom. Yes yours!
I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers.
Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen
But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.
I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.
Five minutes later she agreed to get with me
So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.
I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn’t start.
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.
She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young
To be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
Hey, I asked for a paper, but I thought it was a cut, but it turns out it was tearable.
