Crime jokes

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

What is George Floyd's pickup line?

You are breathtaking.

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

A: They drive slow through school zones.

When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.

When I woke, I was being sexually abused.

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?

"Whole November month, sniper lessons available in Dallas U.S.?"

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.