Crime jokes

Why did the woman feel ugly?

A. Nobody would even rape her.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

A: They drive slow through school zones.

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-

Grand Theft Otter!

I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

"Whole November month, sniper lessons available in Dallas U.S.?"

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.

If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.

When I woke, I was being sexually abused.