Crime jokes

Alien vs Predator.

Cosby vs E.T.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 was a 6 offender.

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

I’d make a rape joke, but I don't wanna force that on you too.

Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?

If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.

Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?

A. She had to go to GasTown.

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Why do orphans like robbing banks?

So they can be wanted.

Why do orphans like stealing things?

They wanted to have company.

+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.

+1 Comet.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?

A wheel dealer.

I stole a wheelchair. I knew the owner would come crawling back.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"

What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

Why did the chief go to jail?

Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

What do you call a protest that gets crowded?

Human trafficking.