Crime jokes

Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!

What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!

If you see a woman get raped, just walk away. Don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all.

Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"

I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!

Why did Michael Jackson go to the movies? He saw there was minor nudity.

When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?

By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.

My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.

What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?

Fitting it in.

What does a serial killer make for breakfast?

Scrambled legs and toes.

Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.

A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"

The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"

The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"

The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"

The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"

For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.

Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.

The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.