Crime jokes

What does a serial killer make for breakfast?

Scrambled legs and toes.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.

Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.

A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"

The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"

The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"

The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"

The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"

Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.

The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.

What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?

I don't know, I have both!

What did Elon Musk do after sacking half of Twitter employees?

Raped an eight-year-old girl.

For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.

Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!

What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.

Al-gebra.

How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

YouTubers: Among Us in real life.

Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."

A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"

The fetus: "lol same here."

What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?

One is wanted.