Crime jokes
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.
Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!
Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...
Rape...hurt...and sell them!
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.
Why do pedophiles come in last place for every race... because they are always in the back (if you know what I mean)?