Crime jokes
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re unwanted.🤣😢
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Memes
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
What do you call a terrorist in water?
A bath bomb 😁
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.