Crime jokes
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Memes
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
Why can't orphans play GTA? Because they're not wanted.
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re unwanted.🤣😢
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!