Crime Jokes

What kind of shoes does a kidnapper wear?

White vans.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

What's a prisoner's favorite game?

Hangman!

What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.

"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"

"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!

The image shows a split-screen. On the left, a man is being arrested by two police officers. On the right, there is a collapsed parking garage with cars scattered among the debris. The text overlay at the top reads, 'New York man arrested in connection of parking garage collapse after giving homeless people pickaxes and telling them there was a lost crack stash'.

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.

Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

What's a rapist's favorite scale?

C Minor.

What's black and white and red all over?

A police brutality case.

What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?

Halloween. Free delivery!

What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?

I've been raped!

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!