Crime jokes
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?
What is Michael Jackson's favorite snack? 5 year old whiners.
Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
It was 2017, and lots of people were hating RiceGum because he released "Frick Da Police," a diss track insulting Idubbbz's Content Cop video on RiceGum.
A few hours after the diss track was released, someone went to Rice's house and spray painted "Asian Jake Paul" on the wall of the front of his house.
Rice went to "meet" Idubbbz, then he saw the graffiti.
"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"
Hours later, police found 4 suspects.
"Explain."
Sus 1: I don't vandalize.
Sus 2: I was staying indoors because it was rainy.
Sus 3: I fucking hate RiceGum, but I would not ruin his cheap ass house lol.
Sus 4: I eat bricks.
Police: I know who.
RiceGum: Who?
Police: ITS-
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Notice anything in the number crowd?
Comment the answer below and I will see who is correct.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
Yesterday I had a party.
I got questioned about five dead kids locked up in a box.
I did that when I was 13. Damn, I forgot about them!
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”