Crime jokes

I raped a disabled child.

I think she's too far gone to repair now.

What flavor ice cream do rape victims enjoy?

Cock flavor.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."

It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.

A brunette fought and didn't get raped.

A blonde thought and did get raped.

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?

To get them into his van.

I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."