Crime jokes
Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.
Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?
Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
I learned that a strangler was targeting me.
All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"
What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
Q. Why aren't Epstein jokes funny? A. Because it's such a touchy subject.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
Smoking a fag in Britain: 🚬
Smoking a fag in America: hate crime.
Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Damn, the terrorists from CS:GO really do be learning to fly.
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?
The thief knows what you have!
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".