Crime jokes

"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"

If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.

Smoking a fag in Britain: 🚬

Smoking a fag in America: hate crime.

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.

What's a pedo's favorite snack?

Sour Patch Kids.

Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?

A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?

It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.

What did Saskia say to Brandon?

Saskia: "Can you rape me like you did Sydney?"

My dad raped my mom, now I have a brother.

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.

What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.