Crime jokes

My dad raped my mom, now I have a brother.

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

What flavor ice cream do rape victims enjoy?

Cock flavor.

Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.

How do you rape a girl?

By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!

What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?

Both were owned by their own kind.

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?

Alien vs. Predator.

What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?

The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.

What’s red and cries?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

Q: Name a murderer?

A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.

Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.