Crime jokes
How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.
Did you hear about the bank robber?
Turns out he got shot by the police.
And he wound up in prison.
What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?
"I guess orange is the new black."
What is a pedophile's favorite planet?
Uranus.
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted!
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.
I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
VOTING SEMIFINAL 1
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.
Vote for the better joke.
Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.
If you combine math and meth, you will become Einstein White.
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.