Crime jokes
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
What do you call a pedo with no legs? A creepy crawly.
What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?
You will have even more birthday parties to go to.
I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.
Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?
Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White vans.
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.