Did you hear about the bank robber?
Turns out he got shot by the police
And he wound up in prison
At night I became a mattress murderer
Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
Cruel and unusual punishment.
Why did the orphan drop the soap in prison? So he can have a prison daddy.
Mohamed Atta would probably be pretty mad at these posts.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
What do you call Helen Keller after she killed 10 people?
Helen Killer.
What do you call a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Cosby?
Predator.
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
Why did the terrorist not get paid, but they loved their job?
They di2s drying plans.
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
What's the difference between Batman and Robin?
Batman can go to the store without robbin'.
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
