Crime jokes
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
Why did an orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.
A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF file.
I killed a man in '94.
Why do cops never put orphans in jail?
Because they aren't wanted.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.
How dairy!
I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.
Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.