Crime jokes
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
(First Person): Knock knock, who's there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, knock knock, who's there, time to make a move, slayin' all then demons and we gotta move in too.
(Second Person): Knock knock, (1st p): who's there, let me talk to you, be careful where you steppin' out cause you ain't bullet proof, knock knock, who's there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didn't come to hoop.
Pedophiles are just fucking, immature assholes.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.