Crime jokes
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
What Football Club does Mason Greenwood play for?
Prison FC
Memes
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.
In my basement.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White vans.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa?
Sniffing cocaine?
YES SIRRR!
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?