What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
Crime Jokes
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
Why did the priest buy a clown suit?
Because the old one had blood all over it.
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.
