Crime jokes
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?
He made a hit and run!
Why did the CSI team have to go to the "Purple Rain" shoot?
Because they had to dust for Prince! hahaha
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.