Crime jokes
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Walter, I don't know, man, seems kinda sus.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.
I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.