"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021
Crime Jokes
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
There is a dark alley. Who do you call?
Batman.
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
Jasper doesn't like little girls and Bin Laden.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
Walter, I don't know, man, seems kinda sus.
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
