Crime jokes
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Walter, I don't know, man, seems kinda sus.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
What’s the hardest part about being a PEDO?
Fitting in.