Crime jokes

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

I AGREE WITH EDP.

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted?

If R. Kelly was a therapist:

14 year old: I hate my life.

R. Kelly: I feel you.

A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.

Why did the CSI team have to go to the "Purple Rain" shoot?

Because they had to dust for Prince! hahaha

How did the man in prison escape?

He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?

At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.

"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021

Please don't get mad, it's a joke.

What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.

Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!

How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?

He CRACKed up.