Crime jokes
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.
Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted?
If R. Kelly was a therapist:
14 year old: I hate my life.
R. Kelly: I feel you.
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
Memes
I AGREE WITH EDP.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 was a registered sex offender.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered sex offender.
If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?
I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.