Crime jokes
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I got the joke from my brother.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
I killed a man in '94.