Crime jokes
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"
A) Why don't orphans play Minecraft Online?
Q) Because Technoblade will get their I.P. address and cum to their houses!
A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.
I raped your mom. I flipped her upside down and called the position "wow."
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.