Crime jokes

Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.

What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?

Fitting it in.

What does a serial killer make for breakfast?

Scrambled legs and toes.

Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.

A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"

The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"

The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"

The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"

The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"

For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.

Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully, she was hot and had a nice ass, so it was enjoyable raping her.

The next day when I woke up, I found her body only half eaten. Her lower body was still intact, so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast. Her ass tasted good with some ketchup.

What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?

I don't know, I have both!

What did Elon Musk do after sacking half of Twitter employees?

Raped an eight-year-old girl.

What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?

Getting to kill the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.

Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!

What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.

Al-gebra.

What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?

Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.

Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A RC-XD.

Mother got shot, damn.

Father got shot, damn.

Sister got shot, damn.

Brother got shot, damn.

Auntie running away with a shotgun!

Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?

A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).