Crime jokes
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?
...Rape.
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
It is not funny about kidnapping.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!
I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.
Nobody still wanted them.
Why do orphans rob the bank?
Because they want to be wanted.