Crime jokes
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
What's the good thing about child perverts?
They drive slow in a school zone.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
Why don't orphan criminals go to jail?
Because they weren't even wanted.
I AGREE WITH EDP.
What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?
One is wanted.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.
A gay rapist saves a female rape victim, then rapes the rapist.
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.
What is a pedophile’s favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))