"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.
But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
The details are SKETCHY! :)
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
Here is a joke: Rape.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?
Why do orphans hate Ted Bundy? Cause he's the most wanted.
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.
Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?
I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
